One of my Girl Frnd has sent me d following message…

KARO NAA… PLS KARO NAA… JALDI KARO… PEHLE TO BAHUT KARTE THE… THAKTE V NAHI THE…LEKIN AAJ KAL THAK NE LAGE HO… PLS KARO NAA..MUJHE BAHUT ACHHA LAGTA HAI… JAB V TUM KARTE HO.. “SMS”

I replied 2 it…

KAB SE MAIN SOCH RAHA HUN K TUM KO KARUN… PER TUMHE TO AUR LOG BHI KARTE HAIN… IS LIYE NAHI KAR RAHA THA.. LEKIN AB KARUNGA… YE LO DABAYA KEY PAD.. AUR KAR DALA “SMS”

30 replies when u propose a girl

1) Nahi.................???

2) Chhiiiii.....Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare.......

3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....

4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....

5 ) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...

6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....

7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai??

8)Magar last year to maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya..??

9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoon....

10) Mein apne daddy/mummy se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu??

11) Itni si baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??

12) Ye dohno ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!

13) Sorry....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14) "Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai .....blah...blah...."

15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanti hu"

16) "Yes .. I too like you (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " (Which we guys most oftenly do ) -- velly bad..!!

17) Phele kyon nahi bataya ab tum late ho gaye ..

18)Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.

19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki (probably followed by a slap)

20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt doGuy: kitna wakt???(with hope)Girl: saat janam ...!!

21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hun....

22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon

23) Now that's a real tragedy.Girl: Hee hee hee hee hee..hee...heeheeHee hee hee hee heeheeheehee(is she mad)

24) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think abt all this before marriage.

25) Keep loving I don't care.

26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho..??!!

27) Kaun sa number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein.Ha ha ha ha.

28) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi

29) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge

30) Kyun, Tina ne "Na kaha kya...??"

UNGLI DENA...ganno mein

• The word 'PYAR' is used in so many hindi films.. If we will replace the word 'PYAR' with 'UNGLI'...then the names of the films will b as follows...

MAINE UNGLI KIYA

MAINE UNGLI KYUN KIYA

UNGLI KIYA TO DARNA KYA

UNGLI KE SIDE EFFECTS

UNGLI TO HONA HI THA

n the songs will be more funnier..

UNGLI KARNE WALE KABHI DARTE NAHI... JO DARTE HAIN WO UNGLI KARTE NAHI..

UNGLI KIYA TO DARNA KYA... UNGLI KIYA KOI CHORI NAHI KI.. CHUP CHUP AAHEN BHARNA KYA...

YAAD AA RAHI HAI.... TERI UNGLI...

MERA DIL V KITNA PAGAL HAI ..YE UNGLI TO TUMSE KARTA HAI..

• There was nothing funny about this song... BUT.. I just didnt understand the meanning of the word SAAYA.. n I thought (SAAYA= PETTICOAT)... n sang the song...

O mere Dil ke Chain.. Chain aaye mere dil ko dua kijiye...


Apna hi SAAYA dekh ke tum jaane jahan sharmaa gaye...

Abhi to ye pehli manzil hai..tum to abhi se ghabra gaye..

mera kya hoga socho to jara... ... .... .... ... .... (gaate jaao)

Sign in Pathology lab

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads
"We may never piss this way again."


Sign in a pathology lab: It might be piss and shit for u,
but for us it is bread and butter.

SUHAG RAAT

Guy1: hey how was first nite?
Guy2: big mistake yaar... i was so drunk... i forgot that i was married, and remembering the old days, i kept Rs500 under the pillow after finishing u know wat...
Guy1: oh my god! how could u?.. it could not be any worse!
Guy2: well actually it is..... saali ne 200 rupiya vaapas kar diya...

BUNCH OF ADULT JOKES

At 18, a lady is like a football... 22 men behind her
At 28, a lady is like a basketball... 10 men behind her
At 38, she is like a golf ball... 1 man behind her
At 48, she is like a TT ball... one man pushing her to the other...

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NIPPLE: peak of love
BOOBS: shape of love
PENIS: length of love
CUNT: depth of love
ASS: Base of love
TESTICLES: weight of love
FUCK: experience of love
SUCK: taste of love
MASTURBATION: substitute for love
CONDOM: care for love
SPERM: cream of love
MARRIAGE: mistake of love

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What is the difference between own wife and other's wife?
Own wife is like CHOCOLATE: it can be eaten at any time
Other's wife is like ICECREAM: Should eat at the right time

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No matter how much you
Press it
Shake it
Rotate it
Slap it
Strangle it
Pull it
The last drop of urine will always fall in your underwear!!!

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defensive statement of a frustrated father fighting with his son...
"I should have wasted you in the bathroom..."

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Saari duniya karegi hamare pyaar ka virodh
Saari duniya karegi hamare pyaar ka virodh
Tu fikar mat kar darling..
Chupke se chod lenge dalkar... DELUX NIRODH

*********************************************************

Beta: Papa, paise do
Papa: Nahi doonga
Beta: Toh maadarchot paida kyun kiya?
Papa: Lowde, teri maaki chut abhi band nahi hui hai... WAAPAS CHALA JAA...

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Degrees of girls:
BA: Beautiful Ass
LLB: Lovely Lickable Boobs
BSC: Beautiful Sexy Cunt
MBBS: Member of Big Boobs Society
MBA: Married But Avaiable

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Sex described in sanskrit:
Chumam chumam
Paapolam chumam
Hastam golam dabe dabe
Taangam chiram lingam daalam
Sarv paapam hare hare

*********************************************************

Beti ka doosre baar balaatkaar hua
Maa: Maine tumse kaha tha na ki aage se dhyaan rakhna
Beti: Maine aage se dhyaan rakha... par saale ne peeche se GAAND MAARDI

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Boy to girl: What is there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell. What is there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner who wants to go to HELL

*********************************************************

Masterji ne bachon se poocha... "batao.. kaunsi Devi pe kaunsa prasad chadta hai?
Ek bacha bola... "Rabri DEVI pe Laloo PRASAD chadta hai...!"

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3 girls walking on road:
Parrot shouts:
RED, GREEN , PINK. Girls knew that those are the colours of their panties
next day they didn't wear panties...
Parrot shouts: TRIM, SHAVE, CURL...!

The jokes were contibuted by Rajini (filthy jokes community on orkut)

Bizarre Sex Laws!

• Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) 02. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
• In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
• The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
• There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
• In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)
• Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
• In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
• In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
• In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for on the premises." 11. Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."

SEX GAME

Sex Mathematics

This is pretty neat how it works out.
This is amazing SEX math!
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It only takes about a minute.......
Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun (& it's about sex).

First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex .........
(try for more than once but less than 10)

Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

Add 5. (for Friday Night)

Multiply it by 50 (being a bit stupid)

I'll wait while you get the calculator................

If you have already had your birthday this year add 1753....

If you haven't, add 1752 ..........

Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
(if you remember)

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have sex each week).

The next two numbers are your age.

IMPRESSIVE ISN'T IT?

FINGERS ARE BETTER

• You always know where your fingers have been
• For variety, you have ten to choose from
• They don't get tired before you do...
• You don't have to smile at them afterwards
• You don't have to get out of bed to fetch them
• They are also useful *out* of bed
• You can stop if you want to
• Your fingers don't want to meet your family
• Your fingers don't get jealous
• Your fingers don't smell
• Your fingers won't just fall asleep afterwards
• Your fingers don't want you to meet *their* family
• You don't get jealous of your fingers
• Your fingers don't mind if you fall asleep afterwards
• Your fingers won't let you down (Snowwhite)
• Your fingers don't want to watch a football match instead
• Your mother won't critisize your fingers
• You can't get pregnant from your fingers
• Your fingers don't need batteries
• People aren't surprised to find you have them
• Fingers don't need adaptors to covert American plugs to English ones (I've heard this can be a problem.)
• They don't shrink afterwards (Snowwhite)
• You always have them with you
• You can chew on them when you are nervous (Snowwhite)
• You can use more than 1 at a time
• They are agile
• They'll never leave you (Snowwhite)
• You don't have to make your fingers coffee in the morning (Gideon)
• You can also use them to clean the wax out of your ears (Gideon)
• They want to when you want to
• They don't take up half the bed at night
• They are easy to clean
• If the ones you are using get tired, you can switch to some of the others
• They don't demand acrobatics in bed
• They don't want to try out stuff they heard from friends
• You can use them to try out stuff *you* heard from friends without worrying about it going horribly wrong
• They don't look worried when *you* want acrobatics in bed
• Your fingers don't give you bite-marks (Addition: unless you *like* bite-marks)
• You can share them with a friend
• Fingers don't cheat on you
• Fingers don't have hidden wifes/girlfriends/husbands/boyfriends/children
• Your fingers don't yelp when you give them bite marks
• For variety you can paint them any colour you want?
• It's not suspicious if you take them to the toilet with you
• Since they come on 2 hands, you can use them on 2 places at the same time
• They write your e-mail for you
• You can use them for netsex when company is required
• They're compatible with a wide range of leather goods and electrical appliances
• No one ever fell in love with their fingers
• They'll change the video channel for you
• You can use them to write down your fantasy and share it with people
• They won't ask: Am I the first?
• You can type with them (although I'd rather like to see a man... *whistle*)
• They won't be disgusted when you have your period
• They don't snore, fart, burp or have smelly breath
• They don't want you to swallow
• They don't whistle after other, better-looking women or men
• They don't care if your hair is a mess
• You don't have to tell them how you'd like it
• They don't brag how great they are
• They don't cost you time, money or patience
• They don't want to know where you were last eveing
• Your friends don't criticise them
• Their friends don't criticise you (fingers don't *have* friends)
• Afterwards, they won't ask: 'Did you come?' (Eva T.)
• They don't leave you to sleep in the wet spot (Eleni)
• They don't mind if you scream 'oh yes, *METHOS*!!'
• They're useful for scooping up nutella, chocolate, lube (take your pick) and smearing it in the appropriate places... (Claire)
• Fingers don't ask who you are fantasizing about (Cher)
• They don't have STDs (Mona)
• Fingers are more sensitive to what you are feeling (LP)
• Unlike zucchinis, you don't have to bring them to room temperature (tyree)
• You won't be crushed underneath them in bed (Che & Wes)
• They come in varing sizes - thumb to pinkie, or any combination thereof, it's up to you (Che & Wes)
• There're extremely gentlemanly - they'll open doors for you, pull your chair out, and even cook you dinner! (Che & Wes)
• They won't finish just before you reach orgasm (Eva T.)
• You don't have to worry wether or not they wont come back after a goodnight (Jessy)

SOME FILTHY SMS

• A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!
  
• A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
• A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts.who opens her heart recives love.who opens her legs recieves happines

HOW TO PREVENT PREGNANCY

After having their 11th child, a couple decided 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, " said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" ....... At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

SEX RECORDS( top 10 )

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6 BEST MEN IN WOMANS LIFE

There are SIX best men in a woman's life:

A Doctor who says, "Take your clothes off"

A Dentist who says, "Open wide"

A Hairdresser who says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"

A Milkman who says, "Do you want it in the front or back?"

An Interior Designer who says, "Once its in, you'll love it!"

A Banker who says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

HONEYMOON STORIES

A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted!!

HOW TO MAKE LOVE

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes

4 Well-shaped legs

4 Loving arms

2 Firm milk containers

2 Nuts

1 Fur-lined mixing bowl

1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.

2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.

3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.

4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.

5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).

6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.

2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.

3. If cake rises, leave town.

Pakistani and Indian Man ........!!!!

Pakistani and Indian (With Due repsect to both)

An Indian man is having breakfast one morning; coffee,croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing chewing gum, sits down next to him...

The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a Conversation:

Pakistani: "You Indian folks eat the whole bread??"

Indian: (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Pakistan, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."

The Pakistani has a smirk on his face. The Indian listens in silence.

The Pakistani Persists "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Indian: "Of Course."

Pakistani: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India".

The Indian then asks: "Do you have sex in Pakistan?"
Pakistani : "Why of course we do", the Indian says with a big smirk.

Indian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Pakistani: "We throw them away, of course."

Indian: "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into Chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan"