ELEPHANT AND CAMEL FIGHTING

An elephant asked a camel - y do u hav boobs on ur back??..?

the camel replied - dude thats fuckin gud question for a guy who has a penis on his face....

Mickey and mini mouse

Once mickey enters the house and yells" im suin u for divorce"
minnie: "wat? r u fukin crazy?"
mickey:" no these days im fukin daisy" hahahahahahhahha

WIFE SAVING HUBBY JOB

wife to husband: u were so drunk last nite u insulted ur boss
husband: piss on him!
wife: u did and he fired u
husband: fuck him!
wife: i did and u can work frm monday

Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook

The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."

What is the definition of innocence?

A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.

Mr Chu from China & Mr Tiya from Korea

came to India & setup a Firm. Till now, they have no Business & are still wondering why their firm: CHUTIYA & CO. failed?

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby???????????

The CHICKEN is a result of a patiently sittinh HEN and a BABY is the result of an impatiently standing COCK.....

A dog a cat and a penis

A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

AUCTION OF DICKS AND CUNTS

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "Those they gave away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."

Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"

Husband : "That's where they held the auction."

NO EXCUSES AT ANY COST

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Public grievance cell

Message to all the terrorists

Let him lick his own balls

One should pay attention to whatever he does..

That is definitely not my lipstick....

COCK DIFFERENT MEANINGS

the priest lost his cock(murga)
he asked in church does anyone has a cock?????
ALL THE MEN STOOD UP
he asked does anyone has seen a cock??
ALL WOMEN STOOD UP
he asked has anyone seen my cock??????
NUNS STOOD UP..

SOME QUICK JOKES

• Monica Lewinsky turned 31. How time flies! It seems like yesteraday when she was crawling around the White House on her hands n knees puttin everything in her mouth!

• What is similarity between sex n shave?
If u don't do it for 4-5 days, it starts showing on d face.

• What's the height of bad luck?
Having sex in dreams and getting AIDS in real life...!

• What's the similarity between women & folding chair?
Both are useless unless until u don't open their legs.

BOY TO GIRL IN A PARTY

Boy : Kitne bhai behen ho!
Girl: Six
Boy: Maa Baap ko aur koi kaam nahi tha kya?
Girl: Tum kitne ho?
Boy: One
Girl: Baap me dam nahi tha kya?

AT SUHAG RAAT

Suhag raat ko
Husband biwi se:
Aaj raat tum mujh se jo
mango ge main don ga.
Biwi
Takiye ke nechay se tasveer
nikal kar boli:
.

Tum challe jao esay bhej
do :d

ADULT SHAYARI

Hamnay Aap Ko Sahara Dia
Ungli De Ker

Hamnay Aap Ko Sahara Dia
Ungli De Ker

Wah . . Wah . .

Aapne Tou Hamara Lulla he
Chaba Lia Softmint Samajh Ker . . . :p

Patyala ki 2 Cheezain mashoor hain

Ek Patyala SHARAB

0r

Dosri Patyala SHALWAR

Fark sirf itna hai
k

Pehli

CHARHTI

jaldi hain

Dosri

UTARTI jaldi hai.

Baba Ramdev preaches to his disciples :

Beta hamesha tum apne se bari auraat ko maa, apni umar ki auraat ko apni baheen aur apne se choti ko beti samjha karo...
Disciple: Baba to phir aap yeh lund ko apne saath hi rakh lijiye....jari-butti kutne ke kaam aayega!!! ;-)

MASTERJI TO STUDENTS

Hindi class mein master ki zip khuli dekh ke ladkiyan zor se hansane lagein.

Master ji bole : Zyada heheki to baher nikaal kar khada kar doonga.

PROSTITUTE WENT TO SCHOOL

Prostitute left her profeesion and goes 2 a school 4 ajob,

Principal: can u teach Zoology/biology/or physiology.

Prostitute: No only Dalogy &Nikalogy.

Y DID ENGLISH TEACHER SLAPPED BANTA 4 ASKING HIS DOUBTS

COZ HIS DOUBTS WERE


" WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR WHEN IT COVERS 2"

&

""PANTIES" PLURAL WHEN IT COVERS JUST 1"

LOVE IN NAME OF GOD

SON- KAL DADDY KE OFFICE SE PRAY KARNE KI AAWAZ AA RAHI THI
MOM- PRAY KARNA TO ACHI BAAT HAI
SON- DADDY TO CHUP THE UNKI SECRATRY CHILLA RAHI THI "OHHHH GOD OHHHH GOD"

PURSE IN BRA

2 GIRLS RETUNING FROM D MOVIE
1ST- MERA PURSE CHORI HO GAYA
2ND- TU TO BRA MEIN RAKHTI THI
1ST- MUJHE KYA PATA SAALA CHORI KAR RAHA HAI

GIRL TALKING TO FRIEND ABOUT HER HONEYMOON

ladki- tum honeymoon k liye kaha kaha gayi thi????
saheli- shimla, darjeling,nainitaal......
ladki- kya kya dekha wahan pe?????
saheli- CELLING FAN

INTERNAL DESIRES

WHERE HUSBAND HIS HAND LAST NIGHT

Mrs. Rosen is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.
The next day, she says to the painter, "You want to see where my husband put his hand last night?"
He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?"

LADY ROBOT AS SECRETARY

Seen my new secretary?" asked the businessman.

"Yeah," his buddy replied," she's gorgeous."

"Well, she's a Robot, the latest model from Japan."

"Jeez, that's amazing! What can she do?"

"If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation.

you squeeze her right tit, she types 185 wpm for you.

And when you screw her it feels better than the real thing.

" "Sounds perfect."

"l almost got hurt once, though."

"How?" "Well," he grimaced,

"let's just say I didn't know her ass was a pencil sharpener."

PAY RAISE BY MAID

The Maid asked for a pay raise.
Madam was very upset about this and asked:
'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'
Maria: 'Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you .
Madam: 'Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: 'The Master said so.
Madam: 'Oh.
Maria. 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Madam: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?
Maria: 'The Master did.’ Madam.
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.
Madam (very upset now): 'Did the Master say so as well?
Maria: 'No Madam, the chauffeur did.
SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE

PRISON AND PRISIONER......THE VIRGIN BRIDE

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, they guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"

WHY MEN ARE LIKE DOGS ?

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.

3. Both are threatened by their own kind.4.

Both like to chew wood.5. Both mark their territory.

6. Both are bad at asking you questions.

7. Neither tells you what's bothering them.

8. Both tend to smell riper with age.

9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

10. Neither does any dishes.

11. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.

12. Both like dominance games.

13. Both are suspicious of the postman.

14. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.

15. Neither understands what you see in cats.

Sorry Guys ... I just had to share this one ... hehehe!