FILTHY PHOTOS 4

FILTHY PHOTOS 3

FILTHY PHOTOS 2

FILTHY PHOTOS 1

AAPKO SANDAS NA AAYE

Jab aapko sandaas naa aaye...
aap baithe baithe thak jaaye...
bore ho jaaye...
pressure bhi na aaye...
yaad karke dekhna hame...
shaayad aapki GAAND phat jaaye...
aur aapke KAAM ho jaaye.....!

SEX 'IN'FREQUENTLY

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather hopefully.
“Well, I’d have to say I like it infrequently,” she responded.
The old guy paused… then he asked, “Was that one word or two?”

TYPES OF BRA

bra sizes...
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{F} - Fake.

IF U DRINK TOO MUCH WATER

THIS HAPPENS TO MEN AND WOMEN

TOP REASONS TO HAVE SEX

SO YOU ARE NOT HORNY

SUN AND WOMEN"S UNDERWEAR

What’s common between the SUN & WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR?

1) both are hot.
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night…………

---

Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,
But behind a SATISFIED woman, there are several EXHAUSTED men…

---

Smoking reduces ur life by 5 mins.
Sex increases ur life by 10 min.

So the conclusion is that a fucking smoker never dies!

---

yeh ladkiyan bhi ajeeb hoti hai,
kuch bolo toh mooh phoolah deti hai,
aur kuch karo, toh peth phoolah deti hai
A prostitute’s nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I’m a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten fuck me again.

WHO MADE YOU PREGNENT

Mom to her notorious girl: Tell me the name of the bastard, who made you pregnant.
Girl: Hey mom, after eating a dozen bananas, can u tell which one made you fat?

---

Women is the best vehicle in the world.
Front - 2 bumpers!
Back - 2 bumpers!
Self lubricating when hot!
Monthly automatic engine oil change!
Every type of piston fits!

---

**Season Dhamaka**
Send your girlfriend to me and get a child free..
Hurry! First 10 lucky winners will get twins.

---

Q: What do you do on mother’s day?
A: Help girls in becoming mothers.

---

MAN TO PRIEST: FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED I USUALLY READ DIRTY JOKES AND VIEW PICTURES OF GIRLS ON MY MOBILE.
PRIEST:FOWARD UR SINS TO ME!

EMBARRASING SITUATION

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask
her, "Er...
excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised,
shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,
and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm
studying how
people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.
THATS TOO MUCH !"

AMOUNT OF PORN YOU WATCH

The Birds And Bees

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know!” the child said, bursting into tears.

“Promise me you won’t tell me.”

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

“Oh dad,” the boy sobbed, “when I was 6, I got the there’s no Santa speech. At 7, I got the there’s no Easter Bunny speech. When I Was 8, you hit me with the there’s no tooth fairy speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don’t really fuck, I’ll have nothing left to live for.”

JOB OF SECRETARY

How to handle interview questions for job of secretary


A boss has to interview four girls for secretary position.

He thought of a question and asked each one of them: ''A woman normally has
two mouths. What's the difference between the two?

The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.


Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.


Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.


The last one answered: one is for my use and the other is for my boss.

Boss: You're hired!

E-MAIL ID's OF CRICKETERS

1.LAXMAN: available@home-only.com

2.GANGULY: nowdays@no_use.com

3.KUMBLE: only@test_match.com

4.SACHIN: admitted@hospital.com

5.KAIF: good@for_nothing.com

6.SEHWAG: consistently@out_of_form.com

7.DRAVID:tick@crease_like_fevicol.com

8.PATHAN: takewickets@only_with_keyna.com

9. GREG CHAPPELL only_experiment@noresult.com

10. Munaf Patel only_line&length@nospeed.com

11.Harbhajan Singh no_spinpitch@nowicket.com

12. Suresh Raina why_i_am_there@god_knows.com

13. MS Dhoni: catchme@ramps.com

They all have a group id : bunchOfJokers@cricket.com

And all of us should be added to this group id:
WastingTime@WatchingIndianCricket ......

BRANDED CONDOMS

NOKIA CONDOMS - CONNECTING PEOPLE


MRF CONDOMS - EXTRA RUBBER EXTRA MILEAGE


MOOV CONDOMS - AH SE AHAA TAK


DUNLOP CONDOMS - EXTRA WIDE EXTRA GRIP


MIRINDA CONDOMS - ZOR KA JHATKA DHERE SELAGE


AIR INDIA CONDOM - THE MAHARAJA CONDOM


PANAMA CONDOMS - NOTHING BETWEEN YOU AND ME


DURACELL CONDOMS - LONGER LASTING


GADGIL CONDOMS - ENVIRONMENT FRIENDLY


HERO HONDA CONDOM - FILL IT, SHUT IT, FORGET IT


MRF ZIGMA CONDOMS - SPACE AGE CONDOMS


LUX CONDOMS - FILMI SITARON KI PASAND


KELVINATOR CONDOM - ITS THE COOLEST ONE


BAJAJ CONDOMS - BULAND BHARAT KI BULAND TASVEER


FOUR SQUARE CONDOM - LIVE LIFE KING SIZE


VIDEOCON CONDOMS - BRING HOME THE LEADER


PHILPS CONDOMS - LETS MAKE THINGS BETTER


ONIDA CONDOMS - NEIGHBOURS ENVY, OWNERS PRIDE


PEPSI CONDOMS - YEHI HAI RIGHT CHOICE BABY ....AAAHA


THUMS UP CONDOMS - TASTE THE THUNDER


COCA-COLA CONDOMS - EAT CONDOM, SLEEP CONDOM WEAR ONLY COCA-COLA CONDOMS

ARIEL CONDOMS - DHUNDATE RAHE JAOGAYE


ROTOMAC CONDOMS - SAB KUCH DIKHTA HAI


WILLS CONDOMS - MADE FOR EACH OTHER


SERVO CONDOMS - USE SERVO, ADD LIFE


CEAT CONDOMS - BORN TOUGH


AMUL CONDOM - A GIFT FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE


BPL CONDOMS - BELEIVE IN THE BEST


NIKE CONDOMS - JUST DO IT


SIEMENS CONDOMS - COMMUNICATION UNLIMITED


VISA CONDOMS - GO GET IT


BAGPIPER CONDOMS - KHUB JAMEGI MASTI JAB MIL JAYENGE TEEN YAAR,
MAIN, AAP AUR BAGPIPER CONDOM


POLO CONDOMS - A CONDOM WITH A HOLE



COLGATE CONDOMS - MAA-MAA MERE CONDOM ME CHED HAI


CADBURRY CONDOM - ASLI SWAD JINDAGI KA



PRESTIGE COOKER
CONDOM - JO BIWI SE KARE PYAAR WOH CONDOM SE KAISE KARE INKAAR


WILLS CONDOMS - OFFICIAL SPONSOR FOR INDIAN CRICKET TEAM


MINT-O - CONDOMS - THE WHOLE CONDOM


SONY CONDOMS - ITS A CONDOM


SURF CONDOM - BHALA USKA CONDOM MERE CONDOM SE GILA KAISE

SARDARJI AT INTERVIEW

INTERVIEWER: sardar ji bataao 1 cheez jo tez chalti hai, jiske char pahiye hote hain???????????????

SARDAR: car....

INTERVIEWER: galat, Maruti car ...................................
ok next question.....Wo kya hai jiske 2 pahiye hai, aur bahut tej chalti hai????????

SARDAR: motorcycle.....

INTERVIEWER: galat, Honda motorcycle......

NOW SARDAR GONE MAD.......

SARDAR: interview gaya BHOSDE mein......
ab mere sawaal ka jawaab de oye interviewer.....idhar baal....udhar baal....beech mein ek chhedd (hole)?

INTERVIEWER: fuddi....

SARDAR: nahi galat......""TERI MAA KI FUDDI""

MADAM APKE SANTRE

Man to Lady in bus :
Man : Santre sambhaliye ma'm, They disturb me.
Angrily she replies: Tumko kya? santre To mere hai.
Man: Haan par juice to mera nikal raha hai na.
===============================================


why r women considered stronger than men ?
ans: b'coz they carry 2 mountains on their chest whereas men carry just 2 stones with the help of crane!
===================================================================


Once a saint went to a prostitute and after completing the
activity while he was leaving,
the prostitute asked BABA PAISAY.
He replied pagli tujhse thodi loonga....!
===================================================


A tharki bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.
"Wanted Girl"
Age no ba! r, Height no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar,
But SEX, baar- baar, Hazaar bar........... Lagataar...........!
===============================================


Man 2 wife : "business is going down,if u learn to cook,we can remove bavarchi."
wife : "asshole, if u learn to fuck, we can remove driver, Gardener & watchman!!!!!!!!"
=================================================================

GIRL: sir, mainu 2 din di chhutti chahidi hai.......mainu tattian lagiyaan ne.....
SIR: saade TATTE lage 40 saal ho gye, assi taan ik wi chhutti nahi layi
========================================================

SEARCH OF A HOLE

What is the similarity between man & mouse ?
= Both of them are in the search of hole !
=====================================


The brains of madras, beauty of bengal,
wealth of gujrat & strength of punjab.
translation: madras di buddi, bangal di fuddi,
gujrat da dhan te punjab da lun.
===================================


6 yrs boy caught in rape case. In court Lawyer( while holding
boy penis):"ur honour, see little boy,
can he rape someone?"
Boy to lawyer:"Itna na hila, nahin toh case haar jayenge!!"
================================================


Man was lying nude on the beach, A sexy babe starts
playing tabla on his butts.
Man: What r u doing?
Girl: Playing tabla.
Man turNs other side & said: Can u play the flute?
=========================================

BILL GATES COMPUTER JOKE

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

FUNNY LINES FOR T-SHIRT

Im busy,You are Ugly,Go Away!!
-----------------------------------------------

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

your cooking sucks...
i hope so do u
------------------------------

your face, my ass, no difference
---------------------------------------------

Dip me in chocolate and throw infront of leshbians!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Of all the things i have lost ... i miss my mind the most
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Work Fascinates me...I can look at it for hours
---------------------------------------------------------------

Sumtimes I Pee When I Laugh
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I dont SUFFER from insanity.. I 'enjoy' every moment of it!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lower my standards to reach my goals
--------------------------------------------------------

smile ,perhaps is the third best thing you can do with your lips.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I got my looks from my father.. He's a plastic surgeon!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"there are 206 bones in your body, want another one?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

virginity is not dignity
it is lack of
OPPURTUNITY
--------------------------------

I'm a lesbian trapped in this man's body
--------------------------------------------------------

I hate jokes but still I love You
--------------------------------------------

Be positive, Act positive but don't test positive
-------------------------------------------------------------

please tell ur boobs to quit staring at my eyes!
----------------------------------------------------------------

nice person....wrong planet
----------------------------------------

ur lips keeping moving but all i hear is blah blah blah!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nobody knows that i m not wearing UNDERWEAR
----------------------------------------------------------------------

come behind the pyramid & I will make u a mummy
------------------------------------------------------------------------

All Study and no Play
Makes a Child Dumb and Gay.
---------------------------------------------

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
-----------------------------------------------------------------

SICK MY DUCK
-------------------------

Early to Bed
Early to Rise
Early to Shit
-----------------------

TYPES OF BOOBIES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, " Dad, how
many
kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, " Well, son, there's three kinds of
breasts.
In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In
her
thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a
bit.
After fifty, they are like onions. "
" Onions? "
" Yes, you see them and they make you cry. "
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, " Mum, how

many
kinds of 'willies' are there? "
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, " Well dear, a man goes
through
three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree,
mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible
but
reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree. "

" A Christmas tree? "
" Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

SANTA JOKES.......really cool one

Spreading

a nude lady lies down on the bed in front of santa, spreads her legs and says, do u know wat this means???? santa says "yes this means, tu saali pooray bed par akeli sona chahti hain"

---

Bus mein thappad

Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi
upar karna photo leni hai

---

Santa was pissing

when a gal saw his huge penis & said naughtily: Wow I wud luv to have that.
Santa: Go & get a cup, I'm about to finish.

---

Santa ki shaddi

Santa ka baap-maine tere liye ladki dekhi hai.woh rupwati,bhagwati,saraswati hai
santa -par main kya karu bosdike jisse mein pyar karta tha woh garbhwati hai.

---

FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

FILTHY JOKES ...........part 2

Jewellery

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

'Mother, where do babies come from?'

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.'

The child seems to comprehend.

'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?'

'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'

---

flask

An old woman goes into a sex shop and asks the assistant if she can have a look at an assortment of vibrators.

Despite a wide range of colours, shapes and sizes, none of them appeal to the old lady.

She looks up and says to the assistant, 'Can I have a look at that red one up there on the shelf?'

'No,' replies the shop assistant. 'That's my thermos flask.'
operation
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously.

'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend then?' he asked.

'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.

'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'

---

classroom

One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guily face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.

The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again; this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one.

Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: 'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.'

---

waist

Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

FILTHY JOKES ...........part 1

classic one
A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?
Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?
Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?
Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?
Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

---

---

tarzan and jane
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.

She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did for sex.

'What's that?' he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said 'Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree.'

'Tarzan, you have it all wrong,' she says horrified, 'but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

'Here,' she said, 'You must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, 'What the hell did you do that for?'

'Just checking for bees,' said Tarzan.

---

---

Pay Scale
It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!'

'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.'

'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!'

WHICH BODY PART IS THE BOSS

Which part of body is most important ........brain,heart.......nahh..read below

When God made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss. The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.
The stomach countered with explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the asshole become mad and closed up. After a few days the brain went foggy, the legs got wobby, the stomach got ill, thr eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all cenceded and made the asshole boss. This proves that you dont' have to be a brain to be boss.... just an asshole.

365 DAYS OF SEX B/W HUSBAND AND WIFE

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

4 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):

I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE BALLS
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, playingvideo games etc. on TV.

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

FILMI NAMES OF PENIS

1-3      Yrs. Ankur

4-7      Yrs. Masoom

7-12     Yrs.Parvarish

13-16    Yrs. Parivartan

17-22    Yrs. Pyasa

23-35    Yrs. Shikari

36-56    Yrs. Masterji

51-60    Yrs. Kabhi-Kabhi

61-75    Yrs. Yaadein

JOKES ON MEN

The silence Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.".............

---

Good Shot
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"

---

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS" ..................

what say girls....??

FUNNY TRANSLATION OF MOVIES :

1. harry potter ............. ...........harry matkawalla
2. MOnsters ball.................Shaitaan ki Gend
3. jurassic park...............Danavasur ka Bagicha
4. spiderman.................insaani makdi
5. fast and furious...........jaldi aur gussewalla
6. HOT CHIC ....................GARAM CHOOZA
7. School of rock ......................pathar ka school
8. Pirates of the caribbean...............Caribbean ke samandar ke badmash
9. I noe wat u did last summer..................mujhe pata hai tumne picchli garmiyon ein kya kiya tha
10. notting hill...........notting pahaad
11. mission impossible............. abhiyan asambhav
12. beautiful mind .................... sunder dimag
13. tommorow never dies....................kal nahin maregaa...
14. Harry Potter and the Chamber Of secrets:................Hari Puttar aur Khasano se Bhara Tehkhana
15. HITMAN ......................PITAA AADMI
16. the village.....................woh gaaon
17. when harry met sally................jab harry milla sally
18. pirats of carribean .................samunder ke lutere
19. Biker Boys ................. Phatphati waale ladkey
20. Enemy at the Gates ............... Darwaaze par Dhushman
21. Independence day ............... Svatantrata Divas
22. batman Begins.............. chamgadad Manav Shuru hua
23. Spiderman ............... MakdiManav
24. The girl Next Door................ Padosi ki Ladki
25. Dead man's chest ................ murde ki chaathi
26. ICE Age ..............Barf ka umar
27. The Day after Tomorrow ................ parsson
28. dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge............. the men with hearts wil take away the bride/s
29. hollowman.........khokla admi
30. basic instinct:......... moulik swabhav
31. Home alone .............. Akela Ghar
32. Baby's Day Out ................ Bacche ka din bahar
33. Saving the private ryan .............. Vyaktigat Ryan ki surakshaa
34. lady in the water..............ladki pani mein
35. lord of the rings............... devta ki anghutiya

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous, on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.

12) The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry”.

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.”

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy’s

FILTHY DIFFERENCES

AAdmee and Bandar :
Q:what Is the diff between AADMi N BANDER???? A:Bander daaL par uchalta hai! AUR Aadmi daaL kar uchalta hai!

Larki aur cycle :
Larki aur cycle main kiya farq hai?
Cycle par gaand rakh kar taangein chalani partee hain aur LARKI par taangain rakh kar gaand hilaani partee hai....!!!!!

Stress...tension ....Panic :
whats the difference between stress, tension n panic??
stess is wen wife is pregnant, tension is wen girlfriend is pregnant, panic is wen both r pegnant

OOOH...&..AAAAAHHH :
wht is the diff b/w ooh n aah......?
abt 3 inches

condom and parachute :
hole in the first causes life and a hole in d second causes death..

Sky and panty :
Sky covers the whole generation and panty covers the generation hole!!!!!:)


Panty and stage curtains :
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME

Panties of 1948 and 2006 :
In 1948 they used to pull down the panties to see the buttocks and n 2006 they separate buttocks to see the thread like panties!!!!!!

HEIGHTS OF....part 2

Height of laziness :
A husband lying on his wife &waiting for an earthquake.......!!.

Height of laziness :
a man sitting on d beach waiting 4 d waves 2 clean his ass

Height of darkness :
2 black people having sex in dark room

Height of competition :
Man peeing in front of nigra falls....

Height of Fashion :
A lady applying Lip-Stick on her vertical lips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEIGHTS OF....part 1

Height of Patience :
A naked gal lying beneath a bana tree, waiting for a banana to fall at the right place.

Height of Success :
The banana falls at the right place.

Height of tremendous success :
An earthquake happens and bananas falls at the right place, one by one.

Height of Tragedy :
The entire banana tree falls at the right place.

---

Height of Noise :
two skeleton fucking on the tin roof

Height of desperation :
a vampire sucking blood from a sanitory napkin.....

Height of revenge :
A najayaz aulad roaming in a condom factory with a needle in his hand....!!

TATTI MEIN PYARI TATTI

Tatti Meri Pyari Tatti
Tatti meri pyari tatti,
bholi bhali pyari tatti,
pili tatti, kali tatti,

Tatti meri pyari tatti.

flush,comode vich rehndi tatti,
Khuddee andar hove tatti
Kinni phairree teri tattii,
kinni soni meri tatti.
badboo aali teri tattii
Khushbuan aali meri tattii

Saarea nu niraali tattii

rab Da Vi andaaz nirala,
sarayan nu aave tatti.
aadmian nu vi aave tatti
Jaanwaran nu vee aave tattii

jab khul ke na aave tattii,
sab nu bada satave tatti,

Tatti meri pyaree tatti

jane andar koun si factory,
roz subhah hi aave tatti,
Qabz hove te sakhat tatti,
Dastan vich naram tatti,

Jey tu khave raat no mirchi,
Subah jalan lagave tatti,
Kaddi aave lamee tatti,
kaddi aave Nikki tattee,
Kaddi aave thandi tattii
Aur Kaddi garam tatti.

Dhowan vich, na kar deri
Warna chipak jaave tattii.

Jeevan da sukh deve tattii.
TATTI MERI PYARI TATTI

GREAT POEM MUNNA MUNNI.....

MUNNA:

Munni woh din yaad karo,
Jab Hum-Tum saath Nahate thhe.
Tum Choot pe Saabun malti thhi,
Hum Lund pe Jhaag udaate thhe.

MUNNI:

Munna woh din beet gaye,
Ab Choot chhupane ki hai baari,
Bhoolo un beeti Yaadon ko,
Munni Bharat ki ab hai Naari.

MUNNA:

Munni woh din yaad karo..
Jab Hum Doctor-Mareez ban jaate thhe.
Dil ki dhadkan check karne ko,
Choochi pe ragad lagaate thhe.

MUNNI:

Munna who din beet gaye,
Ab choochi choli ke andar hai.
Ghoor-Ghoor ke dekh tu Mammey,
Ab Tu bhookha Bandar hai.

MUNNA:

Munni who din yaad karo..
Jab Hum-Tum saath mein Sote thhe,
Tum Choot mein Kheti karti thhi,
Hum Lund pe ganne bote thhe.

MUNNI:

Munna woh din beet gaye,
Jab Choot mein hoti thhi Kheti.
Ab Lund ki faslo ke darr se,
Meri Choot akeyli hai Soti.

MUNNA:

Munni woh din yaad karo...
Jab luka-chhipi khelte thhe Hum.
Tum Lahanga pahan ke aati thhi,
Aur usme chhup jaate thhe Hum.

MUNNI:

Munna woh din beet gaye...
Jab ghus gaye thhe tum Lahange mein.
Ab tum poorey Bhaaloo ho,
Aur Shahad ka chhatta Lagange mein.

MUNNA:

Munni woh din yaad karo...
Jab Saath mein khele thhe Holi.
Choot mein ungli daali humne,
Bhigaa ke teri wo choli.

MUNNI:

Munna wo din beet gaye...
Ab choot humaari pyaari hai.
Kyon Holi ki baatein ab jab,
Lauda tera bhikhaari hai.

MUNNA (Rote Hue!):

Munni woh din beet gaye
Sachmuch hee woh din beet gaye.
Ab Choot ki Darshan ki khatir,
Hum Choot-Chalisa padhte hain.
Par Choot naheen Darshan deti,
Hum Lund ragadte rahte hain.
Par waqt Humaara aayega,
Jab hum bhi tum ko chodenge.
Tum lund-lund chillaogi,
Hum choot mein Danda pelenge.
Munni Munne ko kam na samajh,
Yeh teri maiyya chodega.
Tu pair pakad kar royegi
Teri choot mein bamboo thokegaa.
Munna bhi hai Bharat ka,
Tujhko Nanga kar dega.
Tu lakh jod lena tango ko,
Teri choot ko choosega.
Tujhko poora geela karke,
Munna lund andar ghusaayega.
Choosega tere honthon ko,
Choochi teri chabaayega.
Tu cheekhegi, chillayegi par,
Koi naheen bachaayega.
Ragad Ragad k

JEEVAN KE 50 TRUTHS.....part 3

#36 Kamaan se nikala Teer jitna tez ho, aur Gand se nikala paad jitni dhire ho utani hi asardar hoti hai!

#37 Kamaan se nikala Teer aur gaand se nikla goo kabhi vapas nahin aata hai

#38 Jaban aur land dono me haddi nahi hoti!

#39 Nayee chut ka maza nau din tak hota hai!

#40 Admi kitna bhi gora ho, land baki badan se kala hi hota hai!

#41 Dusri naukari aur dusri aurat hardam achi hi lagti hai!

#42 Stree se aayu, purush se aay (income) aur sardar se kabhi time nahi puchhana chahiye!

#43 Bhajan, Bhojan aur Chodan hamesha ekaant main karne chahiye.

#44 Chut, Boot aur Rangroop ko jitna ragdoge utni hi chamak aayegi.

#45 Chut, Chuchi aur Chilam jitni bhi pio kabhi Jhuti nahin hoti.

#46 Maango usi se jo de khushi se aur kahe na kisi se.

#47 Jab bhi mile akeli, wo nahin to uski saheli, saheli nahin to apni
Hatheli.....but have sex daily.

#48 Kismat aur gaand kabhi bhi aur kahin bhi mar sakti hai.

#49 Ladai aur chudai mein sab jaayaj hai.

#50 Bahen ke lavdon, gaand mein dum hai to pachaasva khud bana lo.

JEEVAN KE 50 TRUTHS.....part 2

#18 Choochiyaan aur khaini, jitna ragdoge utna hi majaa ayega.

#19 Chut aur Daaru, kabhi bhee jhooti nahi hoti hain.

#20 Kutte ko mootne ke liye aur Ladki ko chudne ke liye, taang uthanihi padti hai.

#21 Chut aur Bhut, Kismat walon ko hi dikhte hain.

#22 Naan aur Kutte ka lauda, andar jakar hi phoolte hain.

#23 Lohe par Hathoda aur Chut par Loda, tabhi maro jab garam ho.

#24 Ladki aur Audio cassete, dono side se bajaana chahiye.

#25 Exam ki taiyari mein ek ghanta aur daaru mein ek peg, hamesha kum rahte hain.

#26 Chut saal mein do hi baar maro, ek jis din baarish ho aur doosre us din jab baarish na ho.

#27 Lund aur Ghamand, dono ko kaabu mein rakhne mein hi bhalai hai.

#28 Baagi aur mamme , jahan bhee mile , masal dene chahiye.

#29 Samay se pahle aur Kismat se achhi chut, na kisi ko mili hai, na milegi.

#30 Jab kismat mein likhe ho lode, to kahan se milenge pakode.

#31 adami aur chuha hamesha ched ki taraf bhagta hai

#32 baasi choot aur purana akhbaar, jahan dikhe faad do!

#33 hari jhandi aur randi ko dekte hi bhaag lo!

#34 musibat aur land kabhi bhi khada ho sakta hai!

#35 Naukari aur gaand sabki lagti hai.

JEEVAN KE 50 TRUTHS.....part 1

#1 Maut aur tatti, kabhi bhi aa sakti hain.

#2 Saamp aur chut, jahaan bhi milen maar do

#3 Zindagi aur jhaant uljhe hue hain, use suljhane ki koshish mat karna.

#4 Samay aur chutiya, sab ka kat ta hain.

#5 Achi piyo kharab piyo, jab bhi piyo sharaab piyo.

#6 Paani aur land, apna rasta khud dhoondh lete hain.

Jan 19

#7 Beewi aur gaadi, doosre ko doge to chud kar hi wapas ayenge.

Jan 19

#8 GAND aur GUBBARA(ballon) kabhi bhi aur kahi bhi fat sakte hai....

#9 Doodh aur gaand, jab phatthe hain to aawaaz nahi aati.

#10 Rocket aur tharak, aadmi ko kahin bhi le jaa sakte hain.

Jan 19

#11 Choochiyaan aur jazbaad, jitne dabaao utne hee ubharte hain.

#12 Jhaante aur koylaa, hameshaa sulagte rahte hain.

Jan 19

#13 Tootee (tap) aur lauda, hamesha taidey rehtey hain.

#14 Tattey (Auntey, Gotey) jitnaa bhi uchhal lein, rahenge hameshaa laude ke neeche hee!

#15 Ladki kitni bhi lambi ho, mutegi to baith ke hi.

#16 Land ko kitna bhi jhadkao, aakhri boond undi mein hi girti hai.

#17 Chut chahe jitni bhi choudi ho jaye, marni to Lund se hi padegi.

PANCHAYAAT KI MAA KI

ek baar ek sayar tha ..
woh bahut gandu ssyri karta tha
ek din ek aadmi se bola
"HARI HARI GHASS PE KHILI KHILI DHOOP
TERI MAA KA BHOSDA TERI BHAIN KI CHUT "
USNE pANCHAYAT BULA LI SHAYAR NE WAAN BHI
YAH KAHA KI "HARI HARI GHASS PE KHILI KHILI
DHOOP PANCHO KI MAA KA BHOSDA PANCHO KI MAA
KI CHUT usko gaon se nikaal diya ...
woh mumbai main jakar bahut bada ssyar bana ...
20 saal baad gaon wapas aaya ...
uske samman main samahroh (function kiya)..
usse bole ki sayri ho jaye
usni sunai " E SANAM UTHA KALAM ..
E SANAM UTHA KALAM ..
KASAM TUJHE RAB KI
20 SAAL BAAD AAYA HU MAAA CHODUNGA SABKI

CHOOD DUNGA

Once a time a man was lived in a villege .
Wo bahut chodne ki baat karta tha ...
ek baar ek saadi main gaya ...
usko bole bus main batho bola bas chod dunga...
usko kaha khana kha lo bola pudi chod du ..
paneer chod du ..
waiter chod du ...
dulha chod dunga ..
dulhan chood dunga...
us gaon main ek ladki thi usne soocha
ye meri pyas bhuja dega ..
to wo usse boli ki mujhko chod ...
aadmi bola tuchko chod dunga ..
teri maaa ko chod dunga.....
woh usko khet mai le gaye ...
kapde uttar ke boli chood
aadmi bola main to sirf baate chodta
hoo ye sab nahi choodta

IRON ROD

SARIYAAAAAAAAAAAA...........
One of the frequent questions by students of
psychology is: "Please explain the chain between Provocation, Irritation, Aggravation and Frustration?"


This can be best explained by the following example:

One day Musharraf, having his business in Iron rods (Saria), was sitting in his office and got a call from Manmohan Singh...

MMS: "SARIA (Iron ROD) HAI?”
M: "HAI."
MMS: "TO GAAND ME DAL DE"
and he disconnected the call.

This is Provocation

Again on the next day got a call...
MMS: "SARIA HAI ?"
M (trying to be smart): "NAHI HAI"
MMS: "KYU GAAND ME DAL DIYA KYA?"

and he disconnected the call.

This is Irritation

On the third day again M got the call from MMS...
MMS: "SARIA HAI?"
M (trying to be over smart): "HAI BHI OR NAHI BHI"
M: "ANDER BAHAR KAR RAHA HAI KYA?"

and he disconnected the call.

This is Aggravation

The next day M thinks of taking revenge.. So he calls up MMS.
M: "SARIA HAI?"
MMS: "KYON? GAAND MEIN DALNA HAI KYA?"
this is frustration


NO OFFENCE MEANT

PHOLL GIR GAYA

Phool Gir Giya...
Phool gir giya , patta rah giya.
Phool gir giya , patta rah giya.

Lun sarh giya tata rah giya !

SANAM KI BERUKHI

Badi hasrat thi ki kholein unki salwaar ka nara,
Sanam ki berukhi dekho ki nangey hi chale aye, Wah wah wah

AIDS....

Kya aap SEX karte hai,
Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain,
Kya aap AIDS se darte hai,
To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai,
HATH chale to AIDS tale.

SANIA MIRZA

Kashti toofan se nikal sakti hai,
Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt bhi badal sakti hai,
Hausla rakh, channel na badal,
SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt Jhuk sakti hai

LADKIYAAN SASTI

Door gaon mein ek basti thi,
Wahan ki ladkiyan bahut sasti thi,
Unki ga#d mein itni masti thi,
Jitna dalo utna hasti thi.,
But why r u smiling?

PARO AUR CHANDRAMUKHI

Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse,
har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse,
aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan,
ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse.

LIPSTICK KHARAB

Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don't say loose motions hai

LIPSTICK KHARAB

Man: Kiss Karun?
Gal: Lipstick kharab hogi.
Man: Boob dabaun.?
Gal: T-shirt kharab hogi.?
Man: Fuck?
Gal: Period me hun.?
Man: Don't say loose motions hai

EK SAWAAL

Ek sawaal: Duniya ka sabse mushkil kaam kya hai?
Jawaab: Soye huye pappu par condom chadhaana.

A prostitute

A prostitute goes to a school for a job
Principal: Can u teach zoology/biology/geology or physiology?
Prostitute: No. Only DALOGY & NIKALOGY

10 qualitieas of a perfect girlfriend-

10 qualitieas of a perfect girlfriend-
Truthful
Intelligent
Gentle
Humble
Tolerant
Polite
Understanding
Sexy
Smart
Youthful

In short -TIGHT PUSSY

Ladki aur chai

Ladki aur chai mein hamesha 6 qualities honi chahiye:
Garam ho, Tez ho, Meethi ho, Doodh jyada ho, 5 minute mein taiyyar ho, and Raat bhar sone na de

Chipka hua GOO

Tapti garmiyon ka LOO hai tu,
Dosti ke naam pe THOO hai tu,
Aur main kya kahun tujhse....
DHULI HUI GAAND PE CHIPKA HUA GOO HAI TU

FUNNY PORN MOVIES

• haseena Ki Gaand Mein Paseena
• Hot Chicks With Short DIcks
• Ghaghre mein DHOOM-DHADAAKA
• Lund andar -Dum jallandar
• Theen randiyon ki dastan.
• cheen rani ki peeli chut - A mystery.
• tamboo mein bamboo
• tharak ke pujari
• bhaag bhosdi aandhi aayi
  
• andheeri raat mien diya tere haath mien !
• tu jhuk mein lagaoon
• shalwar mein talwar !
• voh 1 thi usparr 3 chade
• rangeela budhha
• manchali padosan
• kambal mein oye hoye
• teen titliyaan
• chamatkar se hua balatkaar
• lund wale fuddiyaan le jayenge
• gali hui chut ka sada hua pissu
• phar ke panty chod de aunty
• Hasina dikhaya vagina
• khoon bahri gand
• Lun-the fucker
• abla nari ka babbla bhari
• choot ka bhoot
• pati fauj mein biwi mauj mein
• andhari raat mein diya tere hath mein
  

ONE LINERS

* I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine.
* It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.
* If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
* I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well.
* I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
* I Wouldn't take her to a Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
* I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
* I'm So Miserable without you, It's just like You're Still Here.
* If I Had Shot You When I First wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By
now.
* My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Miss my buddy.
* She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger
* I Ain't Never Gone to Bed with Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few

DESI JOKES

Husband 2 wife
begum ajj ker ne do
new car dilaoo ga
begum: no
naya gher dilaoo ga
begum: no
beta :abbu meri gand mar lo muj ku cycle di la do


Tired man
cums home finds wife nude in bed he ask "kuch sabzi roti pakai hai ya yuhi phudi phele ker bethi hu"
wife "kuch atta chawal laye hu ya sarif land hilate aye ho

Skool band
1st girl :kash main car k niche a jaooon 2 month k lye skool bund
2nd girl :kash main bus k niche a jaooon 5 month k lye skool bund
boy :meray niche a jao 9 month k lye skool bund

Sabzi wala
sabzi wale ki shadi hui .
suhag ratko biwi ki underwear uper kerke paani chidakne laga biwi :yeah kia ker rahe hu??
wo bola maal ko taaza kar raha hon

Miss call
AIk khadra khara hua hota hai peechay se aik larka aakar usay ungli kar k bhagjata hai jubkhadra peechay mur kar dekhta hai to aik budha khara hua hota hai tou khadra us se bolta hai k ya miss call tum ne mari hai to budha apni dhoti utha kar ketha hai k meray mobile me to balance hi nahi hai
H3h3h3hh!

Ekk lala tha
ekk lala tha us kay ghar bhut saray bachay payda hoo gay thay or woo bara paraysion tha ..... tu us nay soocha kay docter say poochoon ..........tu docter kay passs gya or poocha kay may kia karoon may jaaab bhi apni biwi ko chudta hoon tu bacha hoo jata hay yar ...........
docter nay bola kay tu CONDOM use kar ....
tu lala nay CONDOM use kia lakin phir bacha hoo gya lala nay docter say bola bhenchud kaisii dawayii di hay tu nay ....
tu phir docter or acha CONDOM bata hay lakin phir bacha hoo jata hay ...
lala ghusay hoo jata hay ...
docter us say pocch ta hay tu CONDOM phenta kaysay hay salay ..tu lala bata hay ........
CONDOM phen ta hoon or jo bakii bach jata hay us ko kaat dey ta hoon .....
hahaha lolz:P

Ram Aur Shaam
Ram Or Shaam dono randi khanay jatay hain sari randian costumers kay sath busy hoti hain ek farigh hoti hain raam kehta hai pehley main jaonga phir tu jana shaam kehta hai theek hai raam adhay gantay main bahir aata hai kehta hai yar is saay ziada maza tau meri biwi deti hai shaam kehta hai main bhi tau check karoon shaam ander jata hai adhay gantay main bahir ata hai yar raam tu nay theek kaha tha issay ziada maza tau teri biwi deti hai hahahaha

CRICKET JOKES 3

INDIAN CRICKET FAN KA SMS:
Please help ! Dawood and a gang of others have decided to burn our Indian players with petrol.
Please help.
DOOSRA FAN KA REPLY:
Lelo......mai bhi madat karta hoon.
here is my donation of 20 litres.

INDIAN CRICKET FAN KA BUTLER POEM
Dhoni - modelling
Sehwag-idling
Dravid-engine oiling
Sachin-boost drinking
Utthappa-pavillion sitting
Ganguly-chyawanprash eating
that is why always OPPOSITE TEAM - WINNING
and................INDIAN TEAM-----LOSING!

India 's next three matches :

April 2 - India vs St.Xaviers high School

April 5 - India vs Utkarsha Vidyalaya

[ Period for practice of Modeling & modeling, then Relaxing time]

May 3 - India vs Nirmala Ladies College

May 5 –India vs Kilbil Balak Mandir

Bolo – "Hoo haa Indiaaaaa!!!

CRICKET JOKES 2

Need help
if really love our neighbors pakistan's cricket team....,
we shud help them in their time of crisis!!!!!!
wat say...,
lets send GREG to pakistan!!!!!!

Sehwag again
shewag's son : Dekho mummy, papa six pe six maar rahe hain!!
shewag's wife: Beta dhyaan se dekh, koi ad hoga!!


Hi Dravid
After the shameful defeat of Team India, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.
Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!"
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as amuslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain, the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recognise me?"
The lady replied - "I am Sachin!"

Back in the pavilion
the Dhoni was talking to a team mate. 'I can't understand it,' he said 'The ball hit my head and the wicket-keeper caught it, but the umpire gave me out. Dravid looked sympathetic. 'Sometimes they go by sound.'

catches win matches
Dravid was in despair at his side's fielding. Match after match, they dropped every chance that came their way. Finally one day the captain called his men together and told them that he was taking them fishing.
What for? they asked.
'To make sure you catch something this season!'

Cricket JOkes 1

Q. What is Ganguly's favorite movie?
A. Gone in 60 seconds.

---

Q:examle ofoptimism
A:Ganguly applyin sunscreen b4 goin 2 bat

---

inzy and dravid
inzy called draavid after the loss to ire lund!
inzy" bismilaa rahim(no offense here) arey rahul yaar aaj to haar gaye, kal ki pakistan ki ticket katvaa raha hoo.
dravid " yaar inzy saturday tak rukh naa saath mein chalenge!"

---

Hurry up
Ganguly: Yaar Tendulkar, i hope we loose the match vs Srilanka.
Tendulkar: Why ??
Ganguly: Bcoz i dont want my wife to get fucked by a Pakistani.
Tendulkar: wat do u mean?
Ganguly: Yaar Afridi challenged me that he was going to fuck my wife while World Cups goin on.. and Pakistan already lost so i need to hurry my ass up..

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LATEST SPONSORS FOR THE MEN IN BLUE???
-WHISPER!,COZ THEY R GOING THRU' THEIR WORST PERIOD!!!!

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What did the spectator miss when he went to the loo?"
"The entire Indian innings!"

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Poem
"Sehwag ko Mayur pehnao;
Sachin ko Pepsi pilao;
Ganguly ko chyawanprash khilao;
Dhoni ko Brylcreem lagao;
Dravid me Castrol bharao...
Lekin un MADARCHODO ko cricket MAT khelao..."

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God created Monkey

God created Monkey
and said to him, "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the dog …
… and said to him , "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!God created the monkey…
… and said to him, "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally God created man .. .
… and said to him, "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little …
… give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
"God granted man's wish .And since then, man lives 20 years as a man , marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren
!!!!!Thats Life isn't

Two Assholes

Doctor: How can you say that Aparna has two holes in her ass?
Suresh: Whenever I and Ramesh go with her to any party, people say, "HERE COMES Aparna WITH TWO ASSHOLES"

Boobs se chipka

Boy: Agar mein BRA hota, toh tere BOOBS se chipka rehta
Girl: Maadarchot, mein kisi aur se dabwa rahi hoti, aur tu khidki pe latka hota

Man masturbates

A man masturbates everyday and kept his sperms in different bottles. One day a friend comes and asks, "what are all these bottles?"
Man: YEH SAB MERE BACHCHE HAIN, JINKO MAA KA PYAAR NAHI MILA

Media to rakhi sawant

Media to Rakhi Sawant: aap kitni padhi likhi ho?
Rakhi: zyaada nahi.. bas INTER- Course kiya hai...!!

Middle stump

Cricket ke middle stump aur aadmi ke middle stump mein kya farak hai?

Answer: Ek hari ghaas mein khada rehta hai, aur doosra KALE GHAAS MEIN PADA REHTA HAI

Curious lady

Lady after delivering baby was getting some stitches. The curious husband peeping through the window knocked and asked shyly: "Doctor, Pura toh nahi siloge na?"